The Survey

A couple of years ago Kaz Cooke appealed to the women of Australia for help with a comprehensive online survey for her encyclopaedic new book, Women's Stuff.

More than 7000 women responded, many spending more than an hour pouring out their feelings and responses to 336 questions on subjects including confidence, body image, dieting, mental and physical health, sex and shopping, flirting, family, debt, looking older and cosmetic procedures, and life fulfilment.

More than 2,000 of these quotes are in the book – some are laugh-out-loud funny, some are fascinating, and all are though-provoking. (Some names have been changed to protect privacy, as women were incredibly frank and trusting about some things they'd never shared before such as affairs, worries, secret Botox, grief, toxic partners, tattoos and transgender operations).

More than 11,000 unique visitors looked at the survey, 64% answered questions: some answered one, most answered lots. 7061 women answered a total of almost 490,000 questions. In total, they wrote a total of 933,000 words – all of which Kaz read.

The average age of respondents was 38 (the "average" Australian woman is 37), and the oldest was 86. Most of the surveys came in from Australia, followed by women from the UK, the United States, New Zealand, Canada, China, and many others from Europe, Asia, Middle East, Russian Federation, Papua New Guinea, Botswana and other places.

The highest number of respondents to one question was the 5152 women who told Kaz whether they have any tattoos, and the lowest was the five who ticked the transgender option under sexuality. 2484 women told Kaz how often they have sex, 4600 told her which cosmetic products they own, 4900 shared dissatisfaction with their body, 5600 said what they liked about theirs, 4298 said they shaved their underarms, and countless thousands said they or a friend had experience with mental illness.

"Nearly 2000 women told me what they have for breakfast. Although I couldn't print all of the quotes in this book, I read every last one, laughing out loud at a fashion disaster, then later weeping at some of the extraordinary bereavements women have suffered. I've never been more sincere when I say: thanks for telling me." – Kaz

How you look - Body image and size

  1. What do you like about your body? (You are not allowed to only say "everything"! Give some detail!) And why?
  2. What don't you like about your body? (You are not allowed to say "everything"! Give some detail!) And why?
  3. Do you feel at a comfortable, healthy size and weight? Yes or no? And why or why not?
  4. Please share any weight loss or weight gain methods have you used, if any?
  5. Did they work long term? Yes or no?
  6. What comments about your weight have affected you? How have they affected you?
  7. What comments or attitudes from family members have influenced how you feel about body image?
  8. What kinds of conversations do you and your friends and family have about weight?
  9. Which sizes do you have in your wardrobe that fit you? (E.g. you have clothes with labels that say 10, 12 and 14, but they all fit.) Please share your thoughts and feelings about this.
  10. What has your experience been with clothing items that have "one size fits all" on their labels?
  11. Are there any other thoughts, feelings, advice or recommendations regarding body image and sizes that you would like to share?

How you look - Skin and skin cosmetics

  1. Is there anything about your skin you find a problem? Yes or no? And what?
  2. What has worked to combat the problem, if anything?
  3. What would cause you to buy a skin product?
  4. Do you believe advertising claims for skin cosmetics? Yes or no?
  5. Estimate how much you spend in an average year on skin cosmetics for the face. E.g. cleanser, toner, face moisturiser, etc, (This doesn't include make-up.) $?
  6. Estimate how much you spend in an average year on skin cosmetics for the body. E.g. scrubs, body moisturiser etc (This doesn't include make-up.) $?
  7. Which of the following products do you own? (You can select more than one.)
    • Face cleanser
    • Toner
    • Face moisturiser
    • Face exfoliant
    • Face mask
    • Eye cream
    • Lip cream
    • Hand cream
    • Body exfoliant
    • Body wash
    • Body moisturizer
  8. Do you have any tattoos? Yes or no?
  9. If so, describe it/them:
  10. Are you still happy with it/them? Yes or no?
  11. Are there any other thoughts, feelings, advice or recommendations regarding your skin that you would like to share?

How you look - Cosmetic surgery and procedures

  1. Do you have a friend or acquaintance who has had a cosmetic procedure? What was it, and how did you feel about their decision and the results? What did you tell your friend?
  2. Have you had any of the following cosmetic procedures? (You can select more than one.)
    • None, ever
    • Botox injections
    • Injections of fillers for wrinkles
    • Injections of fillers for lips
    • Surgical fat removal
    • Breast enlargement
    • Breast reduction
    • Facial surgery
    • Nose surgery
    • Laser hair removal
    • Laser skin resurfacing
    • Facial tattooing
  3. If you have had a procedure, what was the experience like? How do you feel about the outcome?
  4. If you haven't had a cosmetic procedure, would you ever consider doing so? Yes or no?
  5. Which of the following procedures would you consider? (You can select more than one.)
    • None, ever
    • Botox injections
    • Injections of fillers for wrinkles
    • Injections of fillers for lips
    • Surgical fat removal
    • Breast enlargement
    • Breast reduction
    • Facial surgery
    • Nose surgery
    • Laser hair removal
    • Laser skin resurfacing
    • Facial tattooing
    • Other:
  6. If you were going to have a procedure, how would you go about choosing a practitioner to do the job?
  7. If you answered 'no' to considering cosmetic procedures, why?
  8. Are there any other thoughts, feelings, advice or recommendations regarding cosmetic procedures that you would like to share?

How you look - Body hair

  1. Why do you remove/not remove your body hair?
  2. Do you regularly remove these areas of body hair? (You can select more than one.)
    • Lower leg
    • Full leg
    • Under eyebrows
    • Underarms
    • Upper lip
    • Pubic hair - bikini line
    • Pubic hair - shaping
    • Full pubic hair removal
  3. What method/s do you use?
    • Electrolysis
    • Epilator
    • Laser
    • Plucking
    • Shaving
    • Threading
    • Waxing
    • Other:
  4. Which methods do you prefer or avoid? Why?
  5. Are there any other thoughts, feelings, advice or recommendations regarding hair removal that you would like to share?

How you look - Head Hair

  1. This is the place to spill the beans on things like how you feel about your hair, how much you spend on shampoos, conditioners and other products, how often you go to the hairdresser, how much you spend there and anything else you'd like to say...

How you look - Clothes and fashion

  1. Which of the following do you spend money regularly on? (You can select more than one.)
    • Casual clothes
    • Work clothes
    • Make-up
    • Going out clothes
    • Jewellery
    • Bags
    • Shoes
    • Perfume
  2. Do you follow fashion? Why or why not?
  3. What percentage of your wardrobe do you regularly wear? (One fashion truism says most people wear 20 per cent of their clothes 80 per cent of the time). What's wrong with the clothes you don't wear?
  4. Where do you shop for clothes, e.g. the mall/shopping centre, local shops, the internet, mail order?
  5. Do you have any questions or comments about fashion, style, fashion advertisements, clothes, and clothing sizes?
  6. Please share any obsessions or feelings you have about handbags, shoes, perfume, jewellery and the like...
  7. Are there any other thoughts, feelings, advice or recommendations regarding clothes or fashion that you would like to share?

How you look - Make-up

  1. How do you feel about make-up?
  2. When (if ever) do you tend to wear make-up?
  3. List the make-up products you own. I own...
  4. How much would you spend on make-up in an average year?
  5. Are there any other thoughts, feelings, advice or recommendations regarding make-up that you would like to share?

Relationships - Love and relationships

  1. Please briefly describe your relationship situation. Are you happily single, reluctantly single, 'dating' generally, affianced (engaged), married, (if so, for how long?) Do you have a boyfriend or girlfriend, or a de facto/living together relationship (if so, for how long?)
  2. If single, please share your thoughts, feelings and experiences about this.
  3. If living alone, please share any advice you might have for other women living alone.
  4. If married, did you change your name? Yes or no? And why or why not?
  5. How would you describe your romantic past (i.e. lots of casual partners, four marriages, only ever one partner, have never kissed anyone, was lesbian now not, 'burned' by bad relationships and off men...)?
  6. If in a relationship, or looking back on one, what do/did you like about your relationship?
  7. What don't/didn't you like?
  8. What makes a good partner?
  9. Is there a pattern to your choice of partner?
  10. Can you describe a situation when you were very happy or very unhappy in your relationship, past or present?
  11. If in a relationship, please share your thoughts about how satisfied you are with your partner.
  12. How do you break up in a 'good way'?
  13. How do you get over heartbreak?
  14. Have you or your partner ever had an affair? If yes, please share your thoughts, feelings and experiences.
  15. Could you/did you forgive and forget if/when your partner had an affair?
  16. Are there any other thoughts, feelings, advice or recommendations regarding love and relationships that you would like to share?

Relationships - Sexuality

  1. How would you define your sexuality?
    • Straight
    • Lesbian
    • Bisexual
    • Asexual (not ever interested)
    • Celibate (choosing not to have sex)
    • Transgender
    • Friends
    • Other (your self description):
  2. Describe your sex life (i.e. with one partner, with several, experimental, can't remember what it is like...)
  3. How often do you have sex? Has this changed and if so, why?
  4. Would you consider having, (or have you ever had), occasional sex with a friend?
  5. What safe sex methods, if any, do you use?
  6. What contraception, if any, do you use?
  7. How has pornography affected or influenced your sex life?
  8. Do you enjoy or not enjoy sex? What would improve it?
  9. Is there anything else you would like to say or ask about sex?

Relationships - Friends

  1. Please share some thoughts on friendships, e.g. how would you describe your friendships - one "best" friend, several close ones, mainly acquaintances? What are the qualities of a good friend? Is the length of the friendship important? Are most of your friends "old", "new" or a mix? Do friends float in and out of your life or once it's over, it's over forever? Are most of your friends women or do you have straight and gay male friends as well?
  2. How would you describe a 'bad friend'?
  3. What problems, bitchiness or judgmental comments have you experienced with friends?
  4. Is there a right way to "break up" with a friend? How?
  5. Do you have any hints to share on how to find new friends?
  6. Please share any stories or thoughts about friends, 'bullies', breaking up or making up with friends?
  7. Are there any other thoughts, feelings, advice or recommendations regarding friends that you would like to share?

Relationships - Abusing and controlling relationships and assault

  1. Have you ever been in/are you in a relationship you think was/is controlling or abusive? Yes or no? And Who was/is the controlling or abusive person?
  2. What was/is the type of controlling or abusive behaviour?
  3. How did/does it make you feel?
  4. What would you have liked/would you like to happen? (E.g. help to leave, help for the offender to change their behaviour, help for you. What do you wish friends could have done, or can do, to help?)
  5. If you feel have been/you are the controlling or abusive one, what kind of advice or support would have helped/would help?
  6. Have you ever been coerced or forced into sex? Yes or no?
  7. Have you ever been assaulted? Yes or no?
  8. How long ago?
  9. What happened?
  10. How did it make you feel?
  11. Did you get help? If so, what kind?
  12. What were the eventual effects of the assault on you, and if you know, on the person who assaulted you?
  13. Are there any other thoughts, feelings, advice or recommendations regarding assault, abuse or controlling relationships that you would like to share?

Confidence

  1. What do you feel confident about? "I feel confident about..."
  2. What don't you feel confident about? "I am not confident about..."
  3. What are you good at? "I'm good at..."
  4. What puts a dent in your self-confidence?
  5. How do you respond to being undermined?
  6. Do you have any useful retorts to insults?
  7. What has improved your confidence? (e.g. a book, course, an experience, advice)
  8. What's the difference between people who are confident and people who are "up themselves"?
  9. Please share any thoughts, feelings and experiences about the advantages of being or appearing shy and unconfident?
  10. Are there any other thoughts, feelings, advice or recommendations you would like to share about confidence?

Confidence - Being a woman

  1. What do you like about being a woman?
  2. What don't you like about being a woman?
  3. How do you define feminism?
  4. Do you believe in equal rights and opportunities for women? Yes or no?
  5. Do you call yourself a feminist? Yes or no? And why?
  6. What problems or issues, if any, still exist that disadvantage women?
  7. Do you have a role model, heroine or much admired lady person?
  8. What are your fears or hopes, if any, for the next generation of women?
  9. Are there any other thoughts, feelings, advice or recommendations regarding women's rights that you would like to share?

Eating and exercise - Eating

  1. Describe your eating habits.
  2. What do you usually eat for:
    • Breakfast:
    • Lunch:
    • Dinner:
    • Snacks:
  3. Please share any hints for healthier eating.
  4. Do you have any questions or comments about eating habits or about your feelings towards food?
  5. Are there any other thoughts, feelings, advice or recommendations regarding eating that you would like to share?

Eating and exercise - Activity

  1. In an average week how many minutes or hours of physical activity or exercise do you do?
  2. What physical activity or exercise do you enjoy (or have you enjoyed in the past)? Anything from dancing to gym, team sports to yoga...
  3. What motivates you to do physical activity or exercise? (E.g. a health problem, time for self, getting together with friends...)
  4. What stops you from doing more physical activity or exercise?
  5. How does physical activity/exercise make you feel?
  6. Please share ideas for physical activities or exercise, and any special hints for older women.
  7. Are there any other thoughts, feelings, advice or recommendations regarding physical activity and exercise that you would like to share?

Headspace - Feelings

  1. What makes you happy?
  2. What makes you sad?
  3. What hints do you have for how to cheer up? (E.g. going to the movies, reading a good book or doing an activity...)
  4. What are your major triggers for stress or fear?
  5. How does stress or fear affect you?
  6. What, if anything, has helped?
  7. Can you share advice with others?
  8. Are there any other thoughts, feelings, advice or recommendations regarding stress or fear that you would like to share?
  9. What are your major triggers for anger at home, in the work 9. place or with friends?
  10. What are helpful ways to express anger?
  11. What are unhelpful ways?
  12. What happens if you don't express your anger?
  13. Are there any other thoughts, feelings, advice or recommendations regarding anger that you would like to share?

Headspace - Sleep

  1. How do your sleep habits affect your life?
  2. Please share any hints or experiences about getting to sleep and getting more sleep.

Headspace - Mental illness

  1. Have you, a friend or a relative had an experience with a mental illness? (You can select more than one.)
    • Eating disorders
    • Depression
    • Bipolar disorder
    • Schizophrenia
    • Anxiety disorder
    • Personality disorder
    • PND (Post-natal depression)
    • Other:
  2. Please share any relevant questions, thoughts and experiences.
  3. What support, treatment or help proved useful?
  4. Are there any other thoughts, feelings, advice or recommendations you would like to share?

Headspace - Grief and loss

  1. What experience have you had with grief or loss?
  2. How did you feel and/or behave in the short-term and long-term after this experience?
  3. How did you want or need friends to help support you? (E.g. back off, be there, deliver food...)
  4. What did you find helpful?
  5. Can you share advice for others experiencing grief or loss?
  6. Are there any other thoughts, feelings, advice or recommendations you would like to share about grief?

Beliefs and purpose - Beliefs

  1. How would you describe your religious or spiritual beliefs?
  2. Please share any of your philosophies, life mottoes, guiding rules, priorities or similar.
  3. How did you come to your beliefs?
  4. What do you feel is your life's purpose?
  5. Your daydream: If money was not an issue, and you could steal a full year without having any responsibilities, what would you do with it?
  6. How did/would you change your life's direction or habits?
  7. Are there any other thoughts, feelings, advice or recommendations regarding beliefs or purpose that you would like to share?

Beliefs and purpose - Caring

  1. What volunteer work, charity or activism contributions are you involved in and why? (Including school and family obligations...)
  2. If you don't have time now, how would you like to contribute in the future?
  3. Are there any other thoughts, feelings, advice or recommendations regarding caring, activism or volunteering that you would like to share?

Beliefs and purpose - Behaving

  1. What types of manners or which etiquette rules do you think are important?
  2. Please share brief stories of shattering rudeness from others, or stories of your own embarrassing etiquette moments.
  3. Do you have any hints for being dignified in the face of bad behaviour?
  4. Are there any other thoughts, feelings, advice or recommendations regarding manners, behaviour or dignity that you would like to share?

Work and money - Money

  1. Where does your income come from? (You can select more than one.)
    • Casual work
    • Part-time work
    • Full-time work
    • Government benefit
    • Government benefit only
    • Partner's income
    • Something else:
  2. Who earns income in your house and who is supported by this income?
  3. How are your finances arranged?
  4. Who makes the financial decisions in your home?
  5. What comments/attitudes from family members have influenced how you feel about or behave with money?
  6. How many credit cards do you have?
  7. Do you have credit card debt? Yes or no?
  8. Do you have your own superannuation or other financial investments for later life?
  9. What are your spending priorities?
  10. What is your philosophy towards money?
  11. Are you a saver or a spender? Are you a bargain hunter or do you splurge?
  12. Are there any other thoughts, feelings, advice or recommendations regarding money that you would like to share?

Work and money - Shopping

  1. Please give an idea of your shopping habits. Do you shop for fun, as an obsession, only when you have to, only for necessities (food, etc)?
  2. Do you see a problem with your shopping habits? Please share your thoughts.
  3. Can you share any strategies for avoiding shopping regrets (that sinking feeling)?
  4. Are there any other thoughts, feelings, advice or recommendations regarding shopping that you would like to share?

Work and money - Work

  1. Please describe your working situation. What do you do? Are you an unpaid homemaker, a casual worker, part-time worker, full-time worker, part-time student, full-time student, working for yourself, unemployed, looking for work, other?
  2. What do you like about your work situation?
  3. What don't you like about it?
  4. What problems have you had in your work, or at your workplace?
  5. Were they resolved? If so, how? If not, why?
  6. What are your thoughts about work/life balance?
  7. Are there any other thoughts, feelings, advice or recommendations regarding work that you would like to share?

Health and hormones

  1. What do you do to maintain and promote your own health?
  2. Have you had or do you have a health problem or health worry? Yes or no? And if yes, then what?
  3. How does it affect/has it affected your life?
  4. What measures have you taken that have improved your condition, helped you to manage it, or changed your feelings about it?
  5. Do you have any hints for people who are living with a similar condition or problem?
  6. How do you feel about periods?
  7. How have hormones affected your life?
  8. What problems, if any, have you encountered with periods?
  9. What measures have you taken that have helped?
  10. Do you experience pre menstrual symptoms (PMS)? Yes or no? And if yes, what are they?
  11. How does PMS affect your life at home and/or work?
  12. What measures have you taken that help you to manage them?
  13. Do you have any thoughts or experiences to share about the Pill?
  14. What stories can you share about breast examinations, breast lumps, breast cancer, breast surgery or recovery?
  15. Are there any other thoughts, feelings, advice or recommendations regarding health that you would like to share?

Drugs and alcohol - Drugs

  1. What illegal drugs have you or do you take and why? Please share your experiences.
  2. Have you ever had or do you have a problem with a prescribed or over the counter drug? Yes or no? And why? Please share your experiences.
  3. How have drugs affected your life and relationships?
  4. Are there any other thoughts, feelings, advice or recommendations you would like to share?

Drugs and alcohol - Alcohol

  1. Briefly describe your drinking habits - why you drink, what kinds of alcohol you drink, how much, how often, how often you get drunk?
  2. What positive experiences have you had with alcohol?
  3. What negative experiences have you had with alcohol?
  4. What is your family's approach towards alcohol?
  5. How has alcohol affected your life or relationships?
  6. Are there any other thoughts, feelings, advice or recommendations regarding alcohol that you would like to share?

Nesting

  1. Which aspects of home making do you enjoy?
  2. Which don't you enjoy?
  3. Does a bloke do his share around the house? Yes or no? And if yes, how?
  4. If you have kids, do they do their share of work around the house? Yes or no? And if yes, how?
  5. Of the "homely arts" such as cooking, cleaning, gardening, quilting, sewing, knitting, crotchet, scrapbooking, and others - which do you enjoy, or avoid, and why?
  6. What handy skills do you have, such as changing a fuse, a tyre or a washer, hanging a picture, putting up shelves, etc?
  7. Are there any other thoughts, feelings, advice or recommendations about homemaking that you would like to share?

Family - Extended family

  1. What do you like about your extended family (including your own parents)?
  2. What do you find difficult about your extended family, or the family you've "married" into (even if you are not actually married).
  3. Please share any helpful hints about dealing with difficult relatives or in-laws.
  4. Please share experiences or worries about ageing relatives.
  5. Are there any other thoughts, feelings, advice or recommendations regarding extended families that you would like to share?

Family - The family you've made

  1. Who makes up your family?
  2. How many kids do you have and what are their ages?
  3. Are you part of a blended or step family? What's the situation? (I.e. married to father of two kids, he shares custody of them with their mum, we have one child together.) Please share any helpful hints about blended families?
  4. What do you love about your family?
  5. What's difficult about your family life?
  6. Are there any other thoughts, feelings, advice or recommendations you would like to share regarding the family you've made?

Family - Pregnancy

  1. What are the advantages of having a baby and being a parent when you are younger?
  2. What are the advantages of having a baby and being a parent when you are older?Do you have advice for women who have an unexpected pregnancy or are trying to decide when the time is right to try to get pregnant?
  3. Please share your thoughts about pregnancy termination.
  4. Are there any other thoughts, feelings, advice or recommendations regarding pregnancy that you would like to share?

Getting older - Appearance

  1. In this space please share any questions, feelings, experiences and worries you have about your appearance, e.g. greying hair (top and bottom), wrinkles, etc.
  2. How do you feel about anti-ageing products, procedures and services?
  3. Have you ever purchased or used any? Yes or no?
  4. Do you have advice for others worried about ageing?
  5. Do you have any good tips for ageing gracefully?
  6. Are there any other thoughts, feelings, advice or recommendations regarding ageing and appearance that you would like to share?

Getting older - Menopause

  1. What symptoms of menopause have you experienced?
  2. Please share tips for managing these symptoms?
  3. Please share tips for explaining your symptoms to family, friends and colleagues.
  4. What support, treatment or help proved useful?
  5. Are there any other thoughts, feelings, advice or recommendations regarding menopause that you would like to share?

Getting older - Thinking and feeling

  1. What do you find liberating or positive about getting older?
  2. Please share any experience of memory loss or scrambled thoughts due to stress, ageing, pregnancy, hormone changes, etc.
  3. Please share ideas about how to keep your brain active as you get older.
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